Crosses To Bare
by TwifanUK
Summary: AH/OOC. As a pupil at a Catholic School, Bella is a troubled teenager with a severe aversion to religion. Can a new arrival at the school with his own problems help her sort our her issues or will it spell disaster for all concerned? Alcohol/Drugs/Sex
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. The are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

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The start of a new school year. The end of summer. The end of freedom. The end of partying and drinking in excess. Okay, so maybe not the end of that particular outlet but it was still depressing. In typical fashion the sun decided to show itself just as it's full benefit could no longer be enjoyed. An entire summer of torrential rain and general greyness, but now, of course sunshine.

"Okay Bells, have a good day," Chief Swan, said interrupting his daughter's inner diatribe of the next six hours of tedium ahead. They pulled in through the school gates and stopped at the front curb.

"Got everything you need?"

"Yeah," Bella sighed, climbing out of her seat. For added effect, she slammed the door of the cruiser without giving her father another look before he drove away. That'd show him.

Pulling her tie loose and straightening her skirt, Bella stood defiantly looking up at the school while kicking the ground with her old scuffed Doc Marten boots.

St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic School, or as it's more commonly known, 'Tommies' was regarded as one of the best schools in the area, and the place most God-fearing parents want to send their children. Filled with hypocrites and idiots unable to think for themselves, the school represented no more than a prison for her.

As far as Bella was concerned, they could shove their Bibles where the sun didn't shine. Maybe they were in the right place afterall, the sun rarely shone in what was, quite possibly, the dullest town on the planet. Bella would tell them exactly what she thought, but her father had made it quite clear she would finish her education there and needed to keep on his good side if she wanted him to pay for College. For her, preferably as far away as possible. Alaska perhaps.

"How's my favourite little Anti-Christ doing this morning?" a voice whispered from behind as a chin rested on Bella's shoulder.

"Oh just brilliant. Better than brilliant. Fan-fucking-tastic with a cherry on top. I'm practically shitting 'Skittles'," she joked, turning around to be faced with the lanky frame of her best friend Jasper.

With a mop of curly blonde hair and the brightest blue eyes, they'd been friends since meeting in kindergarten. In many ways he was the brother Bella craved, but better. Of course they'd argue and bicker like siblings, but it would never last long. Throughout the disaster comprising her life, Jasper had been the one constant thread tying her together.

"What's with Pops giving you a ride? What did you do this time to get your truck taken away? Or should I be asking what forms of illegal substances did he find this time?" Jasper asked.

"He found nothing. I've learned that lesson!" Bella replied, remembering back to when her dad had found the secret stash hidden under her bed.

She had rolled into the house following an especially nice evening with Jasper, a bottle of vodka and the finest hash money could buy, only to be confronted by Charlie and his wife, Sue. Both were sitting at the kitchen table, it's surface strewn with cannabis, papers, tobacco, poppers and her favourite bong. It came as no surprise that Charlie decided to tear his daughter a new one that night and she lost her truck for a whole six months as punishment. The first Bella remembered of the whole thing was the next morning when she woke up naked with her head in a bucket. Following that incident, she was sure she'd be in military school or chained up in the basement if he had found the other paraphenalia in her room.

"I _may_ have said something to Sue about her poor parenting skills, and the fact that her own demon spawn don't want to live with her."

"Nice one." Jasper laughed. After fourteen years of friendship he was well versed in the full potential of a '_Bella tantrum_'. He was under no illusions about Sue having not felt the full force of Bella's abusive tirade.

Jasper smiled down at Bella, before putting his arm around her shoulders tightly and actively walking her towards the building, albeit reluctantly. Dragging her feet and grumbling, he simply laughed at Bella's response and carried on walking in long strides making it difficult for her short legs to keep up.

"How do you not burst into flames, or at least not get struck by lightning?" he asked, laughing as they walked through the main doors and was faced with a huge crucifix on the wall. Unable to reply and resigning herself to the fact the building held her consummately captive, Bella was sure she could smell the singe of fire and brimstone. She merely guffawed, back-handed Jasper lightly in the stomach, and watched on as he doubled over in mock pain.

Bella and Jasper walked through the school halls with the familiar smell of the school assaulting their noses. Nothing had changed since they started there all those years ago as impressionable and naïve young children. Maybe a new coat of magnolia paint but that's about all. If anyone wanted proof of the Catholic Church being protective of their purse-strings, the school was most definitely it.

The walls were decorated with pictures from various art projects. In Bella's opinion, most looked like an epileptic seal had drawn them and art was definitely wasted on the population of the school.

_One more year, Swan. One more year,_ she chanted silently.

"Talking of flames. I need a smoke," she said. In one swift motion, Bella span around to walk backwards and grope the pockets of Jaspers loose black trousers for the little box she craved.

"Hands off the goods Swan," he laughed, swatting her small hands away and holding her small frame easily at arms length.

Mustering all of her strength, she managed to pull her hands out of his grip and lunged for her target once more. "Believe me Whitlock. There's only one packet I'm interested in and it's certainly not that one."

"Jesus, you're antsy this morning," Jasper laughed loudly as he flung the door open to the back of the school and the coveted smokers corner. Bella couldn't help but join in the amusement upon hearing his pronunciation. He had to be the only person in the town to actually say '_Hay-soos_'

"Well if you hadn't smoked all of mine last night I wouldn't be in such a bitchy mood this morning," she huffed as he handed the box over. In all honesty, it wasn't just the lack of nicotine that had put Bella in a foul mood. Jasper was simply an easy target and the cigarettes an easy excuse.

"Oh, I find that hard to believe _Bellazebub._"

Kicking the old nubs away from them on the floor, the pair settled on the ground and leant against the building. The corner was their little safe haven as people, well teachers, rarely went around there due to it being behind the art block. The only interruption they could possibly face would be from Mr Dodd, who was the coolest art teacher ever and even then he'd just be bumming a light.

"You wanna skin up of shall I do the honours?" Jasper asked holding the box in front of Bella's face.

"You can," she sighed, closing her eyes and letting the morning sun warm her face. The faint sound of rustling paper could be heard as Jasper deftly rolled the joint, but the accompanying sweet odour was missing. Cracking one eye open and glancing over towards her friend, Bella's face broke out into a smile when she saw a bag of herbal rather than resin. "Ah the good stuff."

"Only the best," he winked with his mouth attached to the joint as he finished rolling it and sparked up. "Oh I meant to ask you. What was that shit you gave me the other night? It was intense. I pulled a whitey."

"No idea. James got it," she replied looking at the side of Jaspers face which had the familiar '_stoners grin_' plastered across it. "Oi, puff puff pass,."

Bella inhaled a long hard drag at the joint, then rested her head back against the wall, closed her eyes, and held it in as long as possible before exhaling loudly. She watched the cloud of smoke haze and roll about before dissipating into the air. They sat in silence, not needing the interruption of conversation, as the warm fuzzy feeling engulfed them, and let the high take them away to somewhere happier.

"Wakey wakey sunshine. It's time for the real fun to begin!" Bella's daydreams were interrupted by a sharp elbow in the ribs.

Groaning, she turned her head to the side and simply held her arm up for Jasper to grab hold of. If Bella Swan was going anywhere near the auditorium it most certainly would not be under her own propulsion. With heavy limbs and a comforting buzz encompassing her, she could have quite gladly stayed slumped on the floor in a pot induced coma for the rest of the day. That proved to be an impossibility as she felt her body being wrenched from the ground.

"You look like Bambi on ice," Jasper whispered as they walked through the corridors giggling like a couple of fangirls. Vaguely aware of the hustle and bustle around her, they continued through the slalem of black and red uniforms, not caring if the younger kids fell victim to their pushing.

Slipping through the doors, Bella spotted the last few free seats at the back and pulled Jasper towards them before they were taken. There would be a quick escape route if needed by sitting at the back, and the bonus was nobody would see her sleeping. Well hopefully not again anyway.

From the position at the rear of the room, Bella was able to scan the heads in front of her. Five hundred pupils all corralled like livestock, bleating away to each other about what amazing adventures they'd had over the summer. She couldn't help smiling to herself wondering if any of them had been singing 'Y.M.C.A' with 'The Beatles' whilst wearing a hula skirt. One thing was for sure – she was never doing acid again, that was one trip too far.

"Bellaaaaaaa!"

Before Bella had chance to process the high pitched voice behind her, she was assaulted with a pair of arms around her neck in a vice-like grip. Twisting her head around, she was just able to make out the black spiky hair belonging to the ritalin-riddled midget more commonly known as Alice Brandon.

"Alice...can't...breathe, " she choked, trying in vain to remove Alice's arms away from what she feared was a rapidly bruising windpipe. For such a small person she really was terrifyingly strong.

"Oh sorry."

Letting go of Bella's wrenched neck, Alice hopped over the back of the seats and took her place in the last remaining free chair.

"Can you believe it's the start of our senior year?" she asked excitedly while looking around the room, perched on the edge of her seat like a meerkat. Anyone less educated in the phenomenon of Alice would have been convinced she'd taken a hit of amphet on her way here. Unfortunately, animated and overexcited behaviour was perfectly normal for her – as all the tests for ADHD could testify. Eternally optimistic, she made the 'Energizer Bunny' look lethargic.

"Tell me about it," Bella mumbled as Jasper's posture stiffened beside her and he angled himself forward to look across towards Alice.

"Oh come on sad sack. It's our last year. I thought I was supposed to be the emo freak here, not you," Alice joked, poking Bella in the side before leaning across her body to embrace Jasper in a tight hug, inadvertently giving a view of her rear-end as her skirt rode up.

"Alice, keep your buns in the oven!" Bella hissed as she grabbed Alice's arm and pulled her back into her own seat. As she straightened her skirt, Jasper stifled the groan that built in his throat. Looking straight ahead once more, he tried to concentrate on what was happening and suppress the memory of her breasts crushed against his chest.

"Fine," Alice huffed, crossing her arms."Damn you're snarky this morning, Bella."

The room grew quieter as teachers tried to put a lid on the excited chatter reverberating around the cavernous room. Seeing it as her cue to drown it all out, Bella pulled her mp3 player out and chose the most fitting music for this auspicious occasion. The heavy, angry music blasted into her ears as she closed her eyes to eliminate the surroundings.

Lost in the heavy beat, she could feel her hair being moved before one ear-bud was unceremoniously ripped from her ear.

"Death metal? Really Bella?" Jasper admonished as he held it up to his head to listen in. "Do you really think this is appropriate in the House of God?"

Snatching it back from his hand she crossed her arms and gave him the death glare she had patented many years ago. One look alone was usually enough to shut up even the most hardened offender.

"Actually I think it's very _appropriate_. Death – Jesus died for our sins, and metal, well, what do you think the nails were made of?" Satisfied with her explanation, she stuck her tongue out like a petulant child and turned the volume up. In her peripheral vision, she could see him laughing and shaking his head and couldn't hide the grin that formed on her lips.

As Mass got under way, Bella settled back with some grunge and simply followed the movements of those around her. When they stood, she did, and so on. There was no need for her to hear it to know exactly what was going on. These rituals were deeply ingrained from a baby-hood. Bella could recite the Creed without thinking and could probably do it backwards if the need so took her. Not that she would want to waste any precious and dwindling brain cells on such a task.

"You going up to communion?" Alice asked as everyone two rows in front filed out quietly.

"Nah, I'm good. Had a drink this morning before I got here," Bella replied.

There were two main reasons Bella refused to partake in communion. Firstly, it amounted to nothing more than cannibalism. Eating his flesh and drinking his blood? Pass. Secondly, and most importantly, the wine was now non-alcoholic and what's fun about that?

It was changed to non-alcoholic last year after it was discovered that some students had discovered its hiding place at the back of the chapel and drank it dry. What more could the teachers possibly expect from three bored students cutting class who just 'happened' to come across the strong cheap vino? It certainly made English more interesting for Jasper, Alice and Bella. There were suspects, three to be precise, but alas no evidence. If being the Police Chiefs daughter had taught Bella anything, it was that without evidence the law's hands were tied.

As their row stood to file out, Bella sat frozen in place and stared forward. Feeling eyes burning into her from all angles, she tried to ignore them, and concentrated on the lyrics to the song currently playing. No matter how much she hated being the centre of attention, this had to be endured, so she closed her eyes once more and drummed along with her fingers on her knees humming quietly.

Oblivious to the presence towering behind her, she was caught completely unaware when her ear-buds were ripped away and an arm appeared over her shoulder to grab the 'iPod' from her hands. Swinging around instinctively and expecting it to be Jasper, Bella was confronted by a very annoyed Mr Foley, the headmaster.

"You can have this back at the end of the day Ms. Swan if you give me a good enough reason for you to be using it during Mass," he snarled at her, before spinning on his heels and disappearing to the other side of the hall.

"Busted!" Alice chirped in Bella's ear as she returned her seat – Only it came out _buff-ted_ because she was trying to remove the communion wafer which had cemented itself to the roof of her mouth.

"Told ya it was inappropriate," Jasper sniggered, sitting down in his seat and finding hilarity in his best friend's misfortune.

"I'll tell you what's inappropriate Whitlock!" Bella snapped, turning to look Jasper dead in the eye. "Having a boner during Mass!"

With the speed of a fat kid in a pie eating contest, her hand flew to his crotch and grabbed a handful of his man meat eliciting a very feminine squeak from him. Keeping her eyes trained on his, Bella raised one of her eyebrows and gave another squeeze, before releasing him and sinking back into her seat feeling thoroughly smug, if not a bit bored without any musical distractions.

As much as she would pay for it later, Bella couldn't resist calling him out on the crush he'd had on Alice for the past two years. She had regarded it as the worlds worst kept secret, but promised Jasper her lips would remain sealed – until he did something tto really piss her off.

Having been friends since small children, Bella and Jasper had the closest and most open friendship one could imagine. Jasper was the only person Bella had ever opened up to and often claimed to know her better than she knew herself. He was aware the same feelings were true for himself and knew they would have to remain friends for the rest of their existence. After all, they knew too much about each other to be on opposite sides of the fence. Best friends are your worst enemies.

As much as Jasper was comfortable and confident in his bond with his best friend, he had an uneasy feeling something was not quite right. There was something bubbling right under the surface. Something Bella wasn't comfortable sharing. He would sit back, for now - remain supportive until she felt ready to air her feelings, and pray it would be sooner, rather than later.

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**Huge thanks to my beta Gasaway Alley!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Edward Anthony Cullen! Get your lazy arse out of that fecking pit this instant, or I swear to God, your feet won't touch the floor!" Esme's voice screeched through her son's bedroom door, her accent getting thicker as her irritation grew.

"Bugger off," Edward mumbled through his pillow, face down, pulling it up around his ears to drown her out.

Closing his eyes, Edward willed himself to get some more sleep before the already dire day got started. Not only was he being forced to start a new school today, but a new school in the dullest state, of country he didn't want to be in. As much as he was partially to blame for this relocation, Edward regarded those actions as irrelevant right now.

Esme purposely marched and pounded around outside Edward's room. Her irritation could be felt throughout the entire household with each footfall. Being well acquainted with Esme's early morning tactics, Edward braced himself as the door flew open.

"Right, that's it. Get up before I give you a toe in the hole," she shouted, ripping the bed covers from his body, leaving him half naked and shivering.

"Alright, alright," he groaned, lifting his head to see Esme standing over him with her hands on her hips, and a scowl on her face. Definitely not one to be messed with, especially in the morning, she was a fierce creature and, quite frankly, scared the proverbial hell out of him on many an occasion – something Edward blamed on her Irish genes.

Having left Co. Mayo, Ireland, in 1985 to marry Edward's father, Carlisle, and live in England, Esme threw herself into being a good doctor's wife and mother, but always retained her stout roots and accent. She may have mellowed slightly over time, but not much more than that. According to Carlisle, she was still the feisty girl he met in a small pub in Kiltimagh, who drank him under the table. After she had cleaned the vomit out of his eyebrows he knew she was the woman for him. Yep, she was a keeper alright.

Edward drudged out of bed and manoeuvred past his mother, keeping his back turned to her; no self-respecting teenager wants _that_ kind of early morning embarrassment. He slammed the bathroom door behind him whilst cursing her for interrupting his dream of a twin-supermodel sandwich.

Edward's new school uniform was folded neatly on the counter next to the sink, taunting him as he stripped and climbed into the shower. As the pipes creaked into action, his body was sprayed with cold water, he cursed Columbus for sailing the ocean blue -or whoever the nob was - he didn't care - and discovering the god-forsaken country he currently resided in. As the water warmed up, Edward's mind wandered to more welcoming thoughts.

"Hurry up in there, breakfast's on the table I want to be out of here in thirty minutes flat!" Esme ordered from the other side of the door. Unfortunately for him, the sound of her voice alone was enough to kill any chance of him making a good morning handshake a possibility, and immediately moved his hands North for safer regions.

Making quick work of washing, Edward threw on his new uniform and made his way to the downstairs of the family's new house. He blatantly refused to call this place home, and insisted his proper home was back in Birmingham - not this '_hicksville_' down south, but the proper one in England.

By the time he reached the kitchen, Edward could hear music playing while Esme bustled around, nimbly avoiding the boxes strewn across the room, still yet to be unpacked. Looking like something straight out of the 'Good Housewife's Guide' - complete with apron - she sang along, making up her own lyrics, completely oblivious to his presence. Leaning against the counter, while gulping down his tea and toast, Edward couldn't help grinning with affection. Even if she had ruined his chances of making any shower babies earlier.

"Where's Dad?" he asked, putting his empties in the sink.

At the sudden interruption of her impromptu concert, Esme screamed, spun around, and threw her hand across her chest, "Jaysus! You feckin' eejit, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" Then she pinned him with a killing stare, "he's wanting a head start for his first day, and has already left for the hospital."

Throwing her apron at Edward's head, she shouted her orders and marched out of the room. "Grab your stuff and meet me at the car in two minutes."

Sitting in silence as they drove, Edward stared out at the flashes of green and grey as the car weaved it's way through possibly the most depressing looking place on the planet. At least to him anyway.

"You'll be fine son," Esme said, softly patting the top of her son's head in reassurance, which actually meant she was trying to tame the do. She was sure Edward was big and tough enough to take care of himself, but she couldn't help worrying about her only child – the centre of her universe.

"I just don't see why I need to go back to school," Edward whined, turning to look at his mother, hoping the puppy dog look would have some effect. "I left at sixteen."

"You know why. You're GCSE's aren't enough, and because you dropped out of A-Levels, you don't have enough qualifications to go to university, or 'college' as they call it over here," she replied, completely ignoring his non-verbal pleas. Giving his leg a good squeeze, Esme changed the radio station to some classic cheese-rock.

As the volume was turned up, Esme's singing got louder and more off key causing painful reverb in Edward's inner ear.

"_Whoooa, were half way there. Whoooa, living on a prayer. Take my hand, we'll make it I swear. Whooa-o!"_

"Mum, 'Living on a Prayer'? Seriously?" Edward shouted above the music and his mother's caterwauling, covering his ears in a last ditch attempt at self preservation.

"Son, we need all the help we can get today," Esme laughed before continuing to sing along to the tune that would be, undoubtedly, stuck in her son's head for the remainder of the day.

As much as Edward wanted to argue, he knew there was no point.

_'Mother always knows best_'.

The only option left was to summon all the divine help possible, stick it out for one more year ,and to tear out at eighteen, leaving a long trail of burnt rubber in his wake. In the grand scheme of things, Edward's choices came down to doing this, or getting some dead-end job he knew he'd despise.

As the car turned the corner the monolithic Catholic school came into view - a typical looking one which could quite easily have been in any town or country. Kids milled around the grounds looking like clones of each other in uniforms. And a huge cross, emblazoned with the establishment's name and motto, hung ominously above the door.

Coming to a stop in one of the few remaining empty parking spaces, Edward struggled to swallow the lump suddenly forming in his throat; the nerves kicking in as he stared up at the looming building.

"I need a fag," he mumbled, rummaging through his well worn school bag for cigarettes. Carlisle had always been very anti-smoking, and made it clear he would make Edward eat the whole packet if he caught him smoking – again.

"Fine," Esme sighed, opening both windows as Edward prepared to light up. "Under two circumstances – you don't get caught smoking in school, and you give me one before we go in." Glancing out the corner of her eye, she had a mischievous look on her face as she held her hand out.

"Oh Mother! Whatever would Father say?" Edward exclaimed in mock surprise, handing the packet and lighter to her.

"What your father doesn't know won't hurt him," she laughed, taking a deep drag, leaning her head back against the seat. Grateful for the chance to gather her own nerves, and strengthen her resolve before entering the building, she knew she had to put on a brave face for her son, But truly, the day would be what he made of it. And by the looks of him sitting there, currently puffing away like the cigarette was his only life-line, this would undoubtedly be a difficult day.

Edward and Esme had always been close and she was regarded as the type of mother his friends back home wished they had. Seen as the 'cool' mom, she took most of Edward's friends under her wing and treated them as her own, including feeding them and the occasional handing out of advice. It's no secret she'd always wanted a large family, and Edward saw it as her way of making up for the fact she couldn't have any more children. Edward was her first and last baby. Due to unforeseen complications during his birth, she was rendered sterile following an emergency hysterectomy.

Growing up, it was always Esme who Edward went to with his concerns or problems. More like friends, than parent and child, it was always felt as if their special bond affected Edward's relationship with Carlisle According to Esme their 'problems' stemmed from the fact they were too similar and stubborn. Personally, Edward couldn't see the similarities. Sure, he looked like his father but had always felt more akin to his mother personality-wise, apart from the bat-shit-crazy Irish bit of course.

"Right. Ready to face the music?" Esme asked, tossing her dead cigarette out of the window and stuffing a couple of mints in her mouth. Nodding his head, Edward simply sighed and two-finger flicked his cigarette away - hitting the car parked next to them. He eyed the black smudge on the door handle then turned to face her, trying to give her a smile but failed miserably.

Looking back out his own door, Edward suddenly felt his mother's hand on his chin turning him back toward her forcefully. Before he realised what was happening, a wet tissue attacked the side of his mouth.

"Mum! What the hell?" he shouted, trying to bat her hand away, and get out of the car. "I don't want your spit all over my face. That's minging!"

"I'm not having my son go in there looking like a pikey with jam all over his face," Esme chastised, throwing the sputum and fruit smeared tissue into her bag before climbing out of the car.

"Oinseach," Edward muttered under his breath as he started towards the school, feeling a hard hand smack him across his rear-end.

"Just because I can't reach the back of your head any more, doesn't mean you won't have your arse kicked," she joked linking their arms together. ""Feckin' caffler."

"You wonder where I get my mouth from?" Edward said, resisting the urge to rub his stinging cheeks.

Everyone seemed to have disappeared leaving the place eerily quiet as the pair made their way to the main entrance. Glancing to the left, Edward spotted a plume of smoke billowing out from around the corner of the building. Obviously the, not-so-secret, smoking area. If the day was going to live up to his expectations there was no doubt in his mind he would be making the most of the smoking facilities.

Just as they were about to enter the building, Esme stopped and held onto her son's arm. Turning to stand in front of him, her small hands reached up and cupped his face. She peered a bit closer, then thumbed away the thin crusty spit she'd deposited earlier. It looked more like toothpaste residue.

"You do know we didn't move here just to punish you right?" she asked with a look of genuine concern in her eyes. Sure, Edward knew the move here wasn't completely about him, but a large part was. It just so happened Carlisle was offered a job in America, which coincided with what was going on in their private lives.

"Yeah, I know Mum," Edward sighed, averting his gaze away from her, knowing too well she would read him like a book if she got a gander at his face.

"Your father couldn't turn down such a great job opportunity. Think of this as a new start for you; for all of us as a family. What happened is history and this is our future."

"Yeah," he mumbled, staring at the crucifix above the door, praying it didn't kick him in the head on his way in. "Can we just get this over and done with?"

"Hey there, can I help you?" a middle aged woman asked from behind the desk as they entered the foyer. With greying hair, and the tiniest pair of specs perched on her nose, she was the epitome of a secretarial laureate.

"Aye. This is my son, Edward Cullen. He starts here today," Esme announced proudly, pushing Edward in front of the desk against his will. Just the way the woman looked at him made him feel uncomfortable – as if he was her next meal, or conquest – whichever came first. At the mere thought of what she could possibly do with her long fingernails, '_Mr Nudge'_ went into shock, and tried to climb back up whence he came from.

"Ah yes, Edward. We've been expecting you," she leered appreciatively, leaning over her blotter on the desk. She drug her eyes up his body pausing for longer than necessary at his groin. "Edward, why don't you take a seat just outside the doors? Mrs. Cullen, I need you to quickly fill out some paperwork. Class has already begun for the day."

Edward was all too happy to be out from under the secretary's pervy stare as he went to sit in the foyer.

With his knees practically hitting his chest while sitting in a very uncomfortable plastic chair straight out of the kindergarten room, Edward let his eyes wander around the surroundings. Magnolia walls with what appeared to be religious pictures drawn by toddlers dotted around the great hall like Sunday School badges of honour. The muffled din of students congregating in a room nearby could be heard, with the odd excited squeal from prepubescent girls, probably hyperventilating over the latest Jonas Brothers album or some other mindless drivel.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door to the offices finally opened. Esme's loud laugh poured out, followed by a snort which could only be likened to a pig being violated by a walrus. Without even looking, Edward knew the pig squealing belonged to the friendly neighbourhood cougar.

"Right well, we're all done here Mrs. Cullen," Mrs. Cougar said, smiling and baring her yellowing teeth in the process. "You can leave Edward here in my capable hands."

Seeing her son visibly shudder, Esme squared her shoulders, and stood protectively between the beast and Edward like a lioness defending her cub; if anyone was be capable of fending her off it would be Esme.

"Are you sure you'll be okay, sweetie?" she asked, placing a map and timetable of his classes in Edward's hands.

"Yeah I'll be er, fine," he muttered, looking over her shoulder at the predator standing in the background.

"Okay, have a good day and I'll pick you up later," she said, hugging him tightly around the waist before standing on her toes to place a peck on his cheek. Edward could feel her put something in his pocket. Before she made her way out of the door, she turned mid-stride and winked at him. Praying it would be a tazer or mini cattle prod, he felt a small square box, and couldn't stop the smile appearing on his lips upon realising what it was.

"Right, Mr Cullen. You have about ten minutes until Mass begins. Would you like a personal tour of the school beforehand?" Ms Cougar-Swine asked, licking her lips and straightening her skirt.

Sensing his breakfast was about to make an unscheduled appearance, Edward made his excuses about needing to use the toilet, and prayed she wouldn't offer to lend a hand. Just the mere thought of her getting anywhere near _Mr Nudge _with her Freddy Kruger nails_,_ had the poor bastard running for the hills and hiding somewhere in Edward's abdomen, again. At this rate, _The Nudginator_ wouldn't be seen again until the end of his senior year or, at the very least, his fiftieth birthday.

Making a hasty exit, he marched down the corridor looking for a door which could possibly lead to the promised land of nicotine. Tapping impatiently on the hidden pack, each door just seemed to lead to an empty classroom.

"Can I help you?" a high pitched, nasally voiced asked from behind.

Turning around, Edward was confronted with a mousy-haired girl of around five foot wearing a skirt of around five inches. He hair was obviously caked with some sort of gunk to give it Medusa-esque curls, and the perfume she wore was offensive to the sinuses - but could probably be equally handy for clearing a blockage or infection.

"Er, just looking," he replied, not looking her in the eyes for fear of being turned to stone.

"I'm Jessica," she said, holding her hand out to shake. "If you're looking for where Mass is held, then you're walking in the wrong direction." Grabbing Edward's arm she pulled him back towards the direction he had just come from. Every instinct in his body was screaming for him to get away and go bleach the skin she'd been in contact with, but decided it wasn't worth him getting on the wrong side of people today; he'd save that for later when all escape routes had been planned and tested.

"I'm Edward," he offered trying to appear friendly. She stopped pulling on him when she realized he was paying attention to her.

"Nice to meet you Edward. Cool accent. Australia right?" she giggled, twirling her hair around her index finger and toeing the ground with her small heeled shoe.

Australia? What the hell? How stupid are people in this backwater tide-pool? Don't they know that inbreeding is damaging?

It took Edward an almost inhuman effort to resist the urge to laugh in her face at her obvious ignorance regarding anything outside of US soil. As he was sure that trying to explain where he actually was from, the conversation would involve questions such as 'is that in London?', Edward just went with the easy option for all concerned.

"Er, yeah."

Edward and his new _bestest_ friend arrived in the auditorium in time to find it buzzing with excited kids and teachers trying to instil some semblance of order into the proceedings. Dumbfounded, and feeling awkward, he stayed standing looking around, until a hand grabbed his arm, and pulled it downwards. Falling haphazardly into a chair, he looked to his side, and realised he would have to endure sitting next to the ridiculously strong, deranged chipmunk for at least the next hour. As the pair settled into their seats, Edward could see Jessica's lips moving, but had long since tuned her out. Unfortunately, not all her droning was completely blocked, and he just managed to pick up on certain words amongst the verbal diarrhoea flowing from her mouth.

_What was with the word 'totes'? Weren't they socks with sticky bits on the soles to stop old people slipping over and breaking their hips? __Or, wasn't it a bag of some sorts?_

The room grew quiet, and Edward felt his eyes glaze over as the Priest began the opening prayer. Esme and Carlisle were fully aware of their son's stance when it came to religion, and his feelings concerning the perceived hypocrites who made up the Catholic Church.

Of course, on the outside, he had to appear to be the good Catholic boy he was raised to be. He would dutifully attend Mass with the parents, and save his blasphemous ways for behind closed doors. Once behind those doors though, his father could unreservedly give disapproving looks while his mother tried to diffuse the situation. In his son's eyes, Carlisle was no better than him. Looking good in public but going against the fundamental teachings of his faith when it came to his family, or more specifically, Edward.

As Mass progressed, the pupils in the front rows stood in preparation to receive communion. Edward watched them move, single file, and was in two minds as to what to do – stay true to what he believed in, or do what was expected of him. Deciding to go with his heart rather than head, he stayed firmly rooted to his seat.

He felt the other students staring at him, making him self conscious. He slid down into his seat more, furtively glanced around, and spotted another figure sitting on her own. With her long dark brown hair draped over her face, he couldn't see her features. Her head was bobbing rhythmically, and tell-tale little white wires were visible under her hair. She was completely oblivious to the man leaning over her from behind.

"How come you didn't go up?" Jessica whispered in his ear as she sat back down effectively blocking his view. She very in-subtly scooted closer to Edward's side, making sure their legs brushed against each other.

"I, er, er, it's personal," he replied, not bothering to make any more polite conversation with her. Jessica must have sensed she wasn't going to get any further conversation, so she huffed and pushed away from him and sat back squarely in her seat again.

Looking back towards the mystery head-bobber, Edward saw she was now accompanied by a tall blonde guy who appeared to be very friendly with her. Leaning together and giggling at something, she reached out and placed her hand on his crotch. Edward felt a momentary pang of jealousy as quite obviously, they were a couple who seemed very happy together. Edward wasn't jealous of him being with her, he didn't know anything about her. They just appeared to have what he could have had if it wasn't for his parents habit of always interfering.


	3. Chapter 3

Meandering down the hallway at a leisurely pace, Bella already knew she was ten minutes late for her first class. If she had her own way she wouldn't go at all, but didn't want to deal with being on the end of the reaming from Charlie if the school informed him. There was no point in getting into more trouble with him, and if she wanted to get her truck back this side of the millennia the only thing to do would be to suck it up. Feeling her stomach drop, she stopped outside the door with her hand on the doorknob, taking a couple of cleansing breaths in an attempt to calm down.

Looking through the small window on the lab door, it was obvious class hadn't started yet since Dr Banner was shuffling through papers on his desk with his back turned. .

Opening the door as quietly as possible, Bella sneaked into the room and made her way to the back bench. If luck was feeling favourable this morning Banner wouldn't have noticed the earlier absence. Pulling her long hair over her face slightly, she sat down trying to ignore the rest of the students and sorted through her bag.

Glancing around the room, Bella's eyes fell on a head of dark auburn hair that looked like the owner had been screwed roughly in a thorny hedge. He was sitting next to Jessica Stanley who was obviously giving him her life story.

"Swan!" An unmistakable voice boomed over the chatter of the classroom causing it to fall into a deathly silence almost immediately. "I don't think so."

Looking up, Bella locked eyes with Banner, who was standing with his hands on his hips. He was staring her down; just asking for the confrontation that would end with him giving out his cherished detention slips.

_Great start to the school year. _

It was a well known fact that Bella and Banner had a purely professional relationship. Not in the usual sense though. By 'professional', it meant Banner made it his job to make Bella's life a misery, while she googled professional hit-men to snuff him out.

"I want you up here where I can keep an eye on you," he stated, pointing to the front bench next to him where Jessica Stanley and 'Mr Hedge Hair' sat. "Stanley, go to the back. Swan, switch places."

Gathering her things together, Bella made her way to the front mutterin_g _obscenities under her breath. Not only would she be sitting at the front, but next to some newbie who would probably be all about making new friends.

As she got halfway, Bella was confronted with a very pissed off Stanley. If looks could kill, she was sure she'd be in first Circle of Hell right now being fisted by one of Satan's minions. Storming towards each other, Bella had an almost irresistible urge to stick out her boot and send the tart flailing to the floor, flat on her fake tits. Unfortunately, luck most definitely was not on her side this morning - one of them would pop and she'd be lumped with the medical billl. Instead she plastered a fake grin on her face, and stepped to the side making a grand gesture of letting Stan-lay pass by, which actually annoyed the whore even more.

Feeling smug and settling down in her new seat, Bella made a show of getting all her books and stationary out by arranging them in order of size and colour. Banner was glaring at her, expecting one of the toddler tantrums he'd borne witness to in the past.

Resigning himself to the fact he wasn't going to the desired reaction, he started the lesson in his usual manner by banging his oversized ruler on the desk. The size of it never escaped Bella's attention, and she could only assume the length of it was to compensate for something he was sadly missing elsewhere. "Right, we're going to start with basic cell structure," he announced, turning his back to the class to draw on the whiteboard.

"Great..." Bella groaned as she resumed her doodling using as many colours possible. Banner was twittering on to the class but it was merely background noise as her attention was drawn elsewhere - namely the body in the seat next to her. Once again using her super-powers of invisibility, she pulled her hair down over the side of her face and tried to resist the urge to look across at him

Self control had never been one of her most prominent traits so it was a moot point from the start.

Casting her eyes to the left, she could see the outline of his profile through the loose tendrils. A strong jaw with the faintest of stubble covering it.

_Oh, finally. A guy in school who actually needs to shave. _

His nose was straight with a light covering of freckles. His eyes were concealed by thick, dark eyelashes while he looked down at the workbook in apparent deep concentration, and Bella found herself wondering what color they would be. As if sensing the covert visual appraisal, his heavy brows knitted together and he turned his head slightly. Feeling embarrassed about ogling the stranger and wanting to avoid being caught, Bella snapped her eyes forward and re-arranged her hair to ensure that it was once more covering her face – and her blush if she was being honest with herself.

"Ok, so now the _fun_ part of the lesson," Banner announced, walking to each table and dropping various items on them. "Cheek cell scrapings. I want you all to study your own cells and draw what you see."

Staring down at the scraper, she couldn't help but giggle at what hers would look like. They'd probably be stoned out of their minds, with a joint in one hand and a bottle of Jack in the other. Atleast they'd be having a good time and not having to endure the tedium of Biology.

_Par-tay in Bella's mouth! _

It wasn't as if it would be the first party she'd held in her oral orifice.

From the moment she sat next to him and proceeded to arrange her stationary like an anally retentive shrew, Edward had an irresistible urge to look at her. When she pulled her long mahogany hair down to cover the side of her face he wanted to move it out of the way to see what she was trying to hide. Glancing slyly to the side, he could make out some of her features. Pale, almost translucent, skin on a round face and full lips which just begged for something to wrap around – and not just the tongue wooden depressor.

As she twirled the piece of wood around her mouth, Bella could sense she was the object of someone's intense stare. Turning her head, she was met by the brightest pair of green eyes staring back; so intense she felt as if they were burning a hole through the centre of her head. Unable to drag her gaze away from those bud-green eyes, she could feel the heat going to her cheeks, and other places, which could never end well. Taken completely off-guard by the effect this stranger was having on her, she was painfully aware that even her best fantasies of Johnny Depp paled in comparison, and under no uncertain terms, that was _that_ a small feat.

As their eyes remained locked on each other Edward could feel his anger rising. Not knowing what to do about the situation, it dawned on him that he was sitting in the middle of biology with a boner about to do some serious damage to his trousers and could practically feel the indent of the zipper being ground into '_Mr Nudge_'. He wasn't going to be a happy camper if this continued.

It was just what he needed to round off the most messed up morning of his life. Firstly being eye fucked by Cruella DeVille at the front desk, and then accosted by Jessica 'Barbie Doll' Stanley – plastic tits included – who proceeded to give him her life story whilst staring at his crotch.

Keeping her eyes locked with his, Bella's tongue continued its assault on the flimsy bit of wood and could see his irritation growing, which only made her attack it with more fervor, giving the best show of oral she could muster.

_Yeah, chump, keep watching and imagining it's your dick. It's the closest you'll ever get. _Bella thought to herself.

Shifting in his seat slightly to get more comfortable and release some of the pressure, Edward could see she had noticed and a smug grin appeared on her lips.

_Get your mind out of the gutter, Cullen!_ He chastised himself silently, consciously realising it was the same train of thought that got him into trouble back home, resulting in the current relocation.

As the shrew continued her lingual assault on the implement, Edward knew he had only two options. Continue with this battle of wills and risk permanent damage to his family jewels, or nip it in the bud to show her that he wasn't messing around.

He could feel a groan building in his chest. The game was going to end, and on his terms. Swiping his hand out as quickly as possible, Edward grabbed the bit of wood and yanked it forcefully from her mouth, before snapping it in two between his fingers and dropping it in front of her.

Sitting with her mouth all kinds of agape, Bella processed what had just happened. She couldn't quite believe the audacity of the stranger - sitting there with a smug grin on his stupidly-pretty face as he proceeded to scrape his own cheek cells as if nothing had happened. Resisting the urge to punch him in the temple, she straightened her shoulders and stared intently at the side of his face just goading him into facing her once more.

Edward could feel the irritation rolling off the shrew's body as as made a point of staring into the microscope and ignoring the death glare he was undoubtedly on the receiving end of. Every fibre in his being was telling himto look at her; to play her childish game. Instead, he put all of his energy into remaining strong and not giving into her silent demands.

He could hear a tapping beside him and glanced over to see the shrew drumming her pen against the metal of her microscope. Catching his eye she smirked and just continued, changing the beat slightly to something vaguely recognisable. As he felt the muscles in his back tense, Edward was sure she was, quite possibly, could be the most irritating creature he'd encountered during his seventeen years on this earth. Not having spoken a single word to her, or knowing anything about her, he didn't understand how the creature could be getting under his skin so much. The jet-lag must have been getting to him finally.

As Bella continued with the incessant tapping, she could see the strangers posture stiffen and his hand grasp the pencil tighter. It was obvious she was getting to him, which just spurred her on even more.

Looking down at the shrew's work, Edward could see she had completed the task.. How had she done that? She hadn't even looked at her own cells and yet her diagrams were perfect, and multi-coloured of course. She really had made the most of her extensive stationary collection, which had taken up half of my space on the desk. Glancing up, their eyes locked once more. Predictably and on cue, Bella petulantly swept her book to hide her work and scowled again, not once stopping with the drumming.

Reaching out, Edward yanked the pen out of her hand and put it down on the other side of his body, where she couldn't reach it without leaning across. Not that it would be a bad thing - Mr. Nudge concurred

1-0 to Cullen.

Just as he thought he'd won this battle of wills, the tapping started once more with another pen. Grabbing that one forcefully from her, and reuniting it with its imprisoned comrade, he smiled sweetly at her, only to see her pull out yet another one. Before long, every single pen she owned was in a little pile next on the other side of the desk, and the shrew looked like she was ready to rip Edwards limbs from his body and torch them with a Bunsen burner. The show was really quite comical, Bella kept producing pens like a magician pulling rabbits out of his hat.

Final score 36-0 to Cullen – with the distinct possibility of leaving the lab a eunuch, or at least one ball lighter.

Realising she had lost the current battle, Bella silently held her hand out, palm upwards, towards the stranger.

Edward eyed her upturned palm then back to her face, and smiled but stayed perfectly still; not making any attempt to return her property. As the frustration built, she rolled her fingers back and forth in a silent request to give them back. In no uncertain terms, did Bella want to engage in any verbal communication with the '_stationary stealer_' but knew he had her exactly where he wanted her.

Glancing between Bella and the pens, Edward raised his eyebrows and smiled.

Huffing and plastering a fake smile on her face, Bella knew she had to be the one to break – this time.

"Bella," she announced as an introduction, still holding her hand out towards the stranger. Bella said her name so gruffly, Edward was surprised she didn't beat her chest like a Neanderthal. _Me, Bella - you?_

Unsure as to whether it was for a hand shake or for the pens, Edward just looked at it. There was no way he could touch her right now without _Mr. Nudge_ making a guest appearance again He could practically hear _'Jizz in my pants' _playing in the background of his mind.

Looking impatient and wiggling her fingers, it was obviously annoying her, and he just couldn't let the opportunity pass.

"Good for you," he said just as the bell rang. Edward gathered his stuff together and strolled off whistling off-tune, leaving the shocked shrew sitting with her hand still mid-air and a bemused, yet severely pissed off, expression on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

"Good for me? Who the hell does he think he is?" Bella fumed as she stormed down the corridor towards the lunch hall.

With her mind still reeling from her altercation with Edward in Biology, there was zero concentration to be had during English – the only subject she enjoyed and was actually good at. With her train of thought consisting of the various places she wanted to shove every pen Edward had stolen, Bella had conjured up a whole myriad of ways to torture him by the time the bell rang to signal the end of the lesson – the encore being a highlighter-slash-flashlight shoved up where the aliens like to probe to see if it made his eyes light up.

_Oh the eyes..._

Shaking her head to clear her brain of the unwanted images, she pushed her way into the hall and spotted Alice sitting at their usual table picking through a perfectly arranged, very colourful, salad. Her head was bowed, clearly engrossed in a book propped on the table next to her lunch.

Grabbing two bowls of crunchy potato noisette balls– the only thing fit for human consumption- and some ketchup, Bella made her way towards Alice. She threw her heavy bag on to the table with a heavy jolt, which caused one of Alice's grape tomatoes to roll off her plate and into her friend's lap. A small shriek left Bella's mouth at the sudden lycopenic intrusion.

"Ugh!" Bella huffed and glared at Alice as she slumped in her seat. She squished the unsuspecting sphere effectively ending its short life by sending its seedy guts spewing in a quick spurt, then flicked the mangled fruit under the table.

"Wow, feeling homicidal much, Bells?" Alice asked, taking in Bella's stormy demeanour.

"I hate this place. It's only been one frickin morning, and I'm already wanting to burn it down with all the idiots still in it," she groaned and picked up the ketchup bottle. Sticky red globs squirted all over her entirely potato based meal and a good portion of the table, making a loud gassy sound. Bella didn't care, nor was she in the mood to let her inner twelve year old snicker at the offensive sound.

Alice's right hand shot to her chest over her heart with a shocked expression on her face. "Bella, I'm hurt," she cried in mock upset, before breaking out into a mischievous grin and throwing a piece of cucumber at Bella's forehead.

"Okay, Al. I'll spare you," Bella laughed simultaneously dodging the veggie disc, and chewing and savouring all the greasy goodness. "And, maybe Jasper. If he gets his butt in here and brings his smokes."

"What a good friend you are, Bella," Alice smiled, whilst giving a sly kick under the table. "So, what's put you in such a such scratch-n-snark mood this morning?"

"One word. Banner," Bella sighed, glancing around the room to see him standing in the corner talking to another teacher. Just the mere sight of him made her body go rigid and the hairs stand up on the back of her neck. Alice could see the obvious change in body language, and spun her head around to see what caused the obvious irritation.

"Oh," was her only response when Alice saw the source of Bella's mood.

"Yeah, Oh."

"So, what's he done this time?" she asked through a mouthful of lettuce.

"Banner made me sit at the front of the class so he could keep an eye on me," Bella mumbled, looking down at the table.

"Ha!" Alice laughed. "So you're getting the _real,_ naughty school girl treatment this term?"

"So not funny, Alice," she warned. "It's really not good having him within arms reach, when all I can think of is punching him in the throat, or ramming a test tube through his eye socket."

"Now _that_ I'd like to see! I bet he'd squeal like a pig!" Alice guffawed, before promptly choking on the rabbit fare in her mouth.

"That's not the worst of it though, Al," Bella sighed. She dropped her head on her forearm, completely ignoring her friend's hacking. She figured if Alice was coughing, she could still breathe.

"It's who I have to sit by..."

"Who?"

"Ugh, I can't even explain. He's so ridiculously infuriating, and I don't even know him..." Bella startled when a pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders almost scaring her half to death.

"Who's infuriating?" Jasper asked, letting go and plonking himself down next to Bella. He then took his life in his own hands and reached for her bowl of spuds.

"You," she groaned, pushing his grubby digits away from her coveted potatoes, and punched him right on the inside meat of his thigh. She had a good idea where his hands had been...

"Aw jeez, Bells! What's the dead leg for?" Jasper whined while he rubbed and pushed on his sore flesh quickly.

Bella eyed Jasper rubbing his leg a little too long. "You know, Jasper? More than a few rubs then you're just playing with it."

Jasper guffawed and made a few more passes for good measure.

"Our Bella's not in the best of moods right now, Jazz," Alice explained, waving a celery stick in Bella's direction.

"You don't say," he dead-panned back. "So what caused the beast to leave the cage today?"

"Someone she has to sit by in Biology apparently," Alice replied, shrugging her shoulders.

"Who?"

"No idea, but whoever it is certainly pressed the big red button we try to avoid," Alice said, sighing.

"Hello? I am still here you know," Bella said, looking up from the table and turning to glare at Jasper. "And it's not just someone. He's a complete tool."

"What kind of tool?" Jasper joked.

"I don't know. A big red screwdriver kind of tool."

"Back in a minute," Jasper mumbled, before bolting from his seat and heading across the room; probably for something to eat for himself rather than stealing everyone else's food as per usual. A girl could always hope, Bella thought to herself.

"Charming," Bella groused as she watched him disappear into the crowd. "Good to know my best friend is interested in my troubles."

"So who is it? Newton? Jessica? No, hang on, you said _he's_ a tool, a big red screwdriver to be exact," Alice mused, frowning in concentration, as she tapped her chin with her thin index finger.

"Well I wouldn't be surprised if she had a little something extra under her skirt," Bella laughed, subsequently causing Alice to have mild hysterics at the thought of there not being a '_Twinkie_' Jessica was smuggling in her obscenely stunted gym shorts.

"He's some new dude who's really hot, but the most irritating person I have ever..." Bella explained, before being stopped, mid-slandering, by a tall figure standing next to Alice. Scanning her eyes upwards, and spying the mop of auburn hair, she couldn't stifle the groan clawing and escaping her throat.

"Oh just brilliant," she hissed under her breath. "Hedge-Boy."

"Edward, my friend Alice," Jasper introduced proudly, pointing between the two of them. "Edward, Bella."

Bella scowled at Edward when he took the seat next to Alice, then at Jasper too when he settled back beside her.

"Edward just started here today. And, he's just moved over from England." Jasper revealed that news like it was a breaking head-liner.

"Nice to meet you, Edward," Alice gushed, shaking his hand, practically convulsing with excitement.

Much to Bella's amusement, Jasper's face publicly registered his annoyance over Alice's obvious smitten enthusiasm.

"You too, Alice," Edward replied politely, trying to extract his hand from her firm grasp and wipe it on his trouser leg. He noticed Jasper's back had straightened, and noted the jealousy rolling off of his body in almost palpable waves. Not wanting to make another enemy on his first day, Edward shuffled in his seat slightly to put some space between himself and Alice. No need to stoke the furnace any further.

"Edward, this is Bella," Jasper repeated, trying to divert attention from Alice.

"Yes, we've already met," Edward replied, shooting a cheesy grin in Bella's direction and winking. Bella's blood began to boil, and it took all her effort not to jump across the table ninja-style, and chop him straight in the larynx. He was getting off on this.

"Unfortunately," Bella grumbled, not breaking her death glare stare.

"Huh? How have you already met?" Alice asked, the cogs whirling furiously in her head. "Oh, _oh_, you're the big red screwdriver from Biology!" she exclaimed, pointing at Edward with her mouth agape. Under her breath, Bella thought she heard Alice say, "More like a hammer drill."

"It appears so," Edward laughed, but not quite understanding the inside joke, settled back in his chair and stretched.

"Whatever. I'm sorry but I don't have anything for you to steal right now, _Edmund,_" Bella sneered, giving him the dirtiest look she could manage.

"Firstly, it's _Edward,_" he began as he leant towards her and rested his elbows on the table. "And secondly, I didn't steal your pens. I just confiscated them because you were being an irritable little shrew."

"No, it was petty larceny since you took them without my permission," she retorted, crossing her arms over her chest. She fought the urge to stick her tongue out at him. Bella had no idea what it was about Edward that made her act like a child, but it soon dawned on her it had nothing to do with him. It was just the way she was hard-wired.

Edward laughed and ran his hand through his hair. Whilst leaning into Bella more, he locked eyes with her. She glared back, noting the green of his eyes seemed even more vibrant than earlier, and she found herself transfixed.

"Let me ask you one thing, Bella. Were you born a bitch, or did you perfect it over time?" Edward inquired venomously, keeping his eyes trained on hers, his head perfectly still.

That comment was enough for Bella to snap out of her trance. No matter how pretty he was, as far as she was concerned he was still a jerk. Narrowing her eyes, she leaned towards him, and grasped at the first thing coming to her mind. "Are your pubes ginger too?" she asked, her voice full of venom.

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Alice hovered on the pair's peripheral vision, her head darting back and forth between them as the exchange continued. With her mouth agape, and eyes bugging out of her head, she was doing an impeccable _Wimbledon _impression. If it continued, she was sure Edward would be calling for a change of balls. If Bella had anything to do with it, he'd need a ball change right now.

"No, but I tongue my father with it," Bella retorted, trying to be as deadly serious as possible. As her final remark sunk in, she could see Edward's face contort slightly, and did a small victory dance in her head. Then she realized what she just said, but it was too late to take it back.

Edward's head snapped back, his face screwing up in a look of disgust. "Uh, nice mental imagery, Bella. Thank you, I'm going to have to go watch a bull fight to get that out of my mind!"

Alice's eyes narrowed and centralised on Bella. Her equilibrium restored as she struggled to comprehend what her vindictive friend had just word-vomited. "Bella, I can't believe you said that," she gasped with her mouth still hanging open as the horror for her friend set in.

"You see, Edward, Bella has this glitch in her brain. She's missing that vital filter needed to make her acceptable in polite society," Jasper joked, as his hand plundered her lunch once again.

"Oi! Hands off my crunchy balls!" Bella scolded and slapped his hand, which caused the contents to fly across the room. Within a split second, Jasper wrestled her onto his lap with his hand slapped firmly over her mouth. No matter how much she struggled, there was no getting away. She eventually managed to get her left arm free and reached for what she knew to be his weak point.

"Holy shit, Bella! Get off my balls!" he shrieked, when she applied even more pressure. "You win. You fucking win," he groaned, as he released his arms from around her small body. "Must you always go for the nut sack? Seriously!"

"You touch my balls, I touch yours," Bella smirked, feeling smug as she slid back into her seat. The first warning bell rang to signal the end of lunch.

Throwing her hands in the air. "See what I have to contend with on a daily basis?" Alice asked Edward, then rolling her eyes.

He was just staring in Bella's direction, but had a look on his face she hadn't seen before. Maybe it was horror, or maybe it was disgust. There was a curiously unreadable look behind his eyes.

"You know you love me, Al," Bella said, as she got up and grabbed her bag from under the table. "I'm off for a smoke before trig. Jazz, you coming?"

"Yup," he replied, jumping up and following close behind. "Edward, I'll call you later."

"See ya later, Alice," Bella hollered as the pair made their way to the doors. There was no point in asking if she wanted to come; she wasn't not known as the '_Tobacco Nazi_' for nothing. If anyone was to ever spark up in front of her, she'd spend the whole time coughing and waving her hands in front of her face.

Bella marched down the corridor with Jasper lagging behind, trying to subtly re-arrange himself in the pants department. She could hear his heavy footfalls some distance behind when she rounded the corner to the courtyard. Jasper finally finished his cock-jockeying arrangement, and beat feet to catch up. When he did, he flung his arm over Bella's shoulders – almost knocking her over in the process.

"So," he began. "What's the deal with you and Edward?"

"I don't know what you mean," she replied, trying to keep her balance while keeping her voice even and as light as possible.

"Don't give me that, Bells. I can read you like an open book," he sighed, steering them both around the corner to their smoking spot. Leaning against the wall, he stood in front of Bella and handed her a lit cigarette for which she was thankful. Adrenaline and frustration coursed through her veins causing her hands to tremble. There was no doubt she'd struggle to light up herself.

Taking a long drag, Jasper exhaled and sighed. A billow of smoke gathered around his curly hair and caught the sun. The rays of light shone through the thin smoky haze, giving the stark impression of a halo. A halo for a Guardian Angel.

Shifting closer to Bella, he tilted her chin, forcing her to look at his face. His eyes were pleading as he stared intently into her eyes.

"I honestly don't know what you're getting at," she said, taking a drag from her cigarette, enjoying the feeling of the smoky goodness invading her lungs.

"You looked like you wanted to rip his throat out back there. I haven't seen you worked up like that since last year during that night at Soli House."

Looking in his eyes, Bella could see the genuine concern they held. She knew her reaction was extreme, but couldn't tell him why. Hell, she didn't even really understand it herself. How could one person have such a dramatic effect on her in such a short period of time?

It was true though. The last time he'd seen her so worked up was _that_ night.

Every year the school arranged for the student body to go on a religious retreat at Soli House for a week. It was supposed to be a time for reflection, but for most pupils it was always just an excuse to get away from the parental units and have some fun.

"Bells, what happened last year? Does it have something to do with Edward?" Jasper asked. Throwing his cigarette butt on the floor, he held onto Bella's waist, and pulled her slightly towards his body.

"Huh? What? No!" she shouted, louder than necessary shaking her head vigorously in denial.

"Sorry, I just wondered..." he began, looking around to check if any teachers were making their rounds.

"He just got my back up this morning, that's all. Asshole shouldn't have stolen my pens." Bella reasoned while rolling Jasper's tie around with her fingers.

"You sure?" he asked, still not convinced.

"Of course I'm sure," she snapped, pushing him backwards slightly away from her. "This morning was the first time I'd ever seen him. I promise."

Bella felt instantly guilty for pushing him away like that. Putting a fake smile on her face, she pulled Jasper back and leant her cheek against his chest. As he relaxed, he wrapped his arms around Bella's shoulders. His hands began to play with Bella's hair, which in turn, caused her to relax in the process. As Jasper kissed the top of Bella's head, she could feel the smile on his lips as he made contact. There was just something about being embraced by Jasper; it always felt completely safe and secure, and their combined body warmth felt like home.

Bella settled into Jasper's body knowing her heart was torn; she hated lying to him, but at the same time, couldn't admit everything just yet. She'd tell him eventually, but it would have to be when she was completely ready, both physically and mentally.

It was true she had never met Edward until that morning, but the lie came in the fact he was stirring up feelings in her she'd had only ever felt once before in her brief existence. Something she had pushed to the back of her mind, in the vain hope it would be forgotten over time. Something she didn't want to feel again.

"Bells, can you do something for me?" Jasper asked, holding onto her shoulders and leaning away slightly so he could look down into her eyes.

"Depends on what it is. If it has the word 'anal' in it anywhere, the answer will be a resounding no with a swift kick to the groin. You understand me, Whitlock?" she joked, poking him the chest.

"I promise," he vowed. There was a mischievous glint in his eye, and Bella was sure he had his fingers, or some other part of his anatomy crossed making his promise instantly invalid.

"Fine."

"Okay, well it's erm...it's just that...well, Edward," he stammered.

Crossing her arms and raising her eyebrow's, Bella had a vague idea of what was coming next, and just wanted him to get to the point.

"Well Bells, he's an awesome guitarist. I swear you should have heard him nail '_Freebird_' in music before lunch. I really want to get my band sorted, and I think he'd be the key."

"So what your asking is for me to be _nice_ to him for the sake of you and your band?" Bella verified.

"_Please,_ " he begged, grabbing her tie and knotting it tight around his knuckles. "It would really mean a lot to me, and I can't be stuck in the middle having to choose between you and the band."

Bella knew just how much this actually meant to Jasper; his whole life had always revolved around music, and once he'd got his first guitar at age ten, there was no going back for him. He practised constantly, becoming quite accomplished in a relatively short amount of time . As much as it would grind on her, and undoubtedly test their friendship to the limit, Bella couldn't find it in her heart to do anything that would make things more difficult for him. She would do this for her best friend, whom she loved more than most anything or anyone.

"Fine..." she groaned, resting her forehead against his chest, rolling it from side to side.

Looking up, Bella pointed her finger at him and scowled. "I'll do it for you, but let me make one thing quite clear. I. Still. Hate. Him."

"I wouldn't expect anything less, Bella-Bug," he laughed, then pulled a serious face. "Oh, and can you _please_ let me know if you change your mind about the whole anal thing?"

Jasper was completely giddy when he grabbed Bella's hand just as the late warning bell sounded, and marched the pair of them towards trig class.

Why did the summer suddenly feel so much further away to Bella?


	5. Chapter 5

Left, right, left again. It had to be close. The school wasn't big but the smoking corner was appearing more elusive than Jenna Jameson's gag reflex.

With every turn, Edward was becoming more frustrated as he fingered the box in his pocket. In his dire need of a nicotine fix before History, he'd already decided since he couldn't care less about British history; knowing American by-gone times was even worth even less. With his knowledge stretched as far as the fact the USA was officially around 230 years old, he felt satisfied it was more than enough education. The one consolation would be that Jasper shared the same class with him, and from what Jasper had said, he was a bit of a history buff. Therefore, by default, an easy mark for copying his notes.

As he continued his exploration by the chapel, Edward saw the smoke signals beckoning him forward to the forbidden land. Quickening his pace, he glanced down at his watch and saw there was precisely seven minutes before the warning bell. Just enough time to get a stove in. Hell, in seven minutes he could quite possibly knock one out, and still have time for the congratulatory smoke afterwards!

Not wanting to waste time, Edward proceeded to spark up while on the move, but was stopped in his tracks by two figures hiding around the corner. Instantly he recognized Jasper; with the Shrew wrapped tightly around his body. Her face was pressed into his chest as he put a protective arm around her. Kissing the top of her head, he poured affection on the beast who'd wound Edward up so tightly in biology, he was sure either his head, or balls, would explode.

Slinking backwards, Edward hid behind the building, and watched the couple like a dirty old man at the park; minus the bag of boiled sweets and copy of 'Housewives Weekly'. From his vantage point, he was unable hear what was being said, but there appeared to be a bit of a heated debate between Jasper and Bella, followed by him trying console her. She looked so tiny engulfed in his tall lanky frame and for a fleeting moment Edward wanted to be the one to hold her. Only for a nano-second though, after all, she was the '_she-devil_' who seemed intent on making life difficult for him.

The intimacy between the two of them made his heart clench. In that moment, Edward had never felt so alone. Nobody to call a friend within five thousand miles of here, but most importantly, the one person he thought he loved, and gave his heart to, was gone from his life forever.

He had to become friends with Jasper, not just to copy his work, but to have a person he could regard as a friend. Something Edward had a feeling he would need through the coming year. The only obstacle being the shrew. It was obviously a package deal, and he would have to suck it up if he didn't want to be stuck with Jessica "Static Cling" Stanley, and her cronies.

Edward just had to pray the endeavour didn't end in a bloody mess with the teenage battle-axe missing some limbs.

Phase one of '_Befriend Jasper and suck up to the Shrew_' had to be put in place. Edward ground out the cigarette butt with the heel of his boot, and headed in the direction of his mission. He just prayed there was enough time to get it sorted before anyone saw him. His mother would choke on an ovary if he got caught and suspended on his first day.

* * *

The end of school bell rang and the corridor flooded with kids desperate to put the torture of the first day behind them. As the sea of black swarmed around him, Edward slipped under the current and made his escape towards the parking lot.

"So...?" Esme began as Edward slipped into the passenger seat and shook the rain out of his hair. He managed to douse the dash and side of her face with droplets of water. She made a small sound of disapproval, made a look of _duh, _and gestured towards the school.

"So, what?" he replied, fiddling with the radio to find something less offensive to the ears.

"How was it?"

"Fine."

"Just fine?" she asked, turning in her seat to look directly at him, raising one of her eyebrows.

"Yeah, fine. Drive" he mumbled a bit disrespectfully, waving his hand in front of her towards the road ahead - not that he could see it of course. The rain was pelting down and almost deafening as it thudded on the roof of the car. With his backside still wet from waiting around for her to arrive, Edward just wanted to get home and change into dry clothes (and quite possibly burn the uniform).

"Well, did you make any friends?" she questioned, never the one to just let a subject drop. Making no attempt to start the car, Edward knew they wouldn't be going anywhere until he told her what she wanted to hear; the only question was whether it the truth or an edited version of it.

"Yeah, I did," Edward responded, hoping it would placate her enough to start the engine at least. Bingo! His admission worked. Esme, now satisfied, turned the key in the ignition sparking the engine to life, and the pair were finally on their way home to the kingdom of dry clothes and decent food.

"Oh good, you know I was so feckin' worried you'd have problems," Esme admitted, picking up speed along the winding, tree lined road, aiming for every puddle possible along the way. " I was afraid you'd have problems making friends and standing out like a sore thumb."

Looking to his left, Edward could see his mother's mouth moving but made very little sense of what was coming out of it. Closing his eyes he rested his head back against the seat, and let the noise wash over him until a sharp poke in the side jolted him from his unplanned nap.

"Are you even listening to me?" Esme asked as Edward opened his eyes to see her staring, paying no attention to the road whatsoever.

"No, but it's never stopped you from talking before," he sighed, closing his eyes again and purposely ignoring her.

"Allas an diabhail," she said, turning the radio up louder, nearly deafening both of them with some Hank Williams Jr. Oh yes, a Stetson was most definitely going to be under the tree for her this year.

"Focáil leat!" Edward shouted over the noise, covering his ears while praying they would get home in one piece - with hearing intact.

As they pulled up outside the house, Edward noticed that Carlisle's car was nowhere to be seen, meaning he must still be at the hospital. With any luck Edward's father wouldn't get home until late and he could feign sleep; highly unlikely though. After all, how much 'trauma' could there possibly be in a matchbox sized town? He'd probably be sent home early to save on the heating bill.

Flinging the car door open, Edward made a mad dash to the door in the vain hope of not being thoroughly soaked by the unrelenting torrential rain. Esme was hot on his heels as Edward realised for an old bird she could certainly move when needed.

"Shoes off!" she ordered as they stood in the hallway and shook the rain off their hair and clothes. Pulling off his heavy boots, Edward unceremoniously dumped them next to the fussy side-table his mother so loved, and climbed the stairs to the fortress of solitude - his bedroom.

As Edward reached the room, he pushed the door open and stood on the threshold taking in his surroundings. Decorated almost identically as his previous room (much to the annoyance of his mother, who was dying to unleash her artistic tendencies), the walls were a deep blue which contrasted perfectly against the dark brown wooden floor. His old wrought-iron bed was against the one wall with his TV and vast CD and DVD collection taking up the opposite one. Three boxes consisting mainly of knick-knacks and mementos from his old life back in England were stacked in the corner. Edward knew it would need to be tackled soon, but was worried it would dredge up memories and make him even more miserable than he already was.

Stepping through the doorway Edward took a deep breath. It may have looked like his room with the old bed and furnishings, but it certainly didn't smell like it. His nostrils were assaulted with the smell of fresh paint, making him feel slightly nauseous and light-headed. Stripping to his boxers, Edward padded over to the window and opened it to let some of the fumes escape. Staring out into the wilderness, he could hear the trickling of the stream that ran across the bottom of the garden. The scent of mouldy wet foliage wafted through the opening, which was still a damn sight better than noxious paint fumes. For most people this would have been their idea of paradise, but for Edward it was no more than a prison with the bars made of trees instead of steel.

The boxes reflected in the glass, taunting Edward, so he tentatively made his way over towards them. Since he was already feeling miserable, opening his stuff couldn't possibly make things worse. Sitting cross-legged in front of them, Edward pulled the packing tape from the first one and peered inside. He was immediately engulfed in the smell of his old life – namely the unmistakable odour of stale pot, which had seeped into everything.

His eyes were drawn to the claret and blue material on top of the pile. Pulling it out, he held the shirt up in front of his face before bundling it up and breathing in the fabric. Closing his eyes, Edward's brain was flooded with memories; both happy and painful. His old Aston Villa football shirt had been through many an adventure; from shouting on the terraces with his dad, to being worn by Her after they'd lost their virginity's together. Just the sound of her voice as she ran around in the top and nothing else was something Edward would remember for as long as he lived. Such a happy time. The faint scent of her perfume was still present and he had the urge to put the jersey on to feel her surround him once more. Hugging it to his chest briefly, he reverently folded it and placed it in the bottom drawer of his dresser.

As Edward dug his hand into the box again, his fingers touched the cold shiny texture of what was instantly recognizable as photos. Grabbing a handful, he made his way slowly to his bed and lay down on his back in the middle. As he flipped the first over, Edward was met by three youthful looking boys staring back. Such familiar faces, but at the same time he barely recognized the fresh faced one in the middle - bronze hair in disarray and a big goofy grin on his lips. It was Edward, but he could no longer associate that person with who he had since become. It had only been two years since the picture was taken but it seemed like a whole lifetime ago. A life he no longer possessed. A life where innocence reigned and Edward had his whole future in front of him, not behind. Weary with guilt and exhaustion, he closed his eyes as he felt a hot tear steal down his cheek, and hoped his dreams would take him back to happier times.

A light rap at the door woke Edward from his memories and he felt the bed dip next to him. A warm hand stroked his stomach as another swept his hair away from his forehead. Opening his eyes, he was greeted by Esme's worried gaze. He had no doubt his eyes were bloodshot, and it wouldn't have taken a genius to realise what he had been doing with the photo's strewn around his body.

"Oh sweetheart," she sighed, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on her son's forehead as her thumbs wiped away the fresh tears that had escaped and were running down the side of Edward's face.

"It's no more than I deserve," he mumbled as he draped his arm across his eyes, effectively removing her hands from his face. Esme's hands grabbed his forearm in an effort to remove it from it's position covering Edward's eyes but it was going nowhere. In defeat she released the arm and rested her hands on his chest.

"Edward Anthony Cullen," she began. "You are a good, good person. A young man I am proud to call my son. All that shite was six 'o one and half 'o dozen of another. You can't shoulder all the blame yourself." Her hand moved across Edward's chest and rested over his heart. "You know what I love most about you?"

"No," he whispered.

"Your heart," she whispered back. "You have made mistakes, but in your heart you will always be my boy." She leant down and gently kissed Edward's sternum, before moving downwards and blowing a noisy raspberry on his stomach.

"Oi, Mum! I'm in my man-jamas!" Surprised by the sudden move and sitting upright, Edward couldn't hold back the fit of giggles and the pair both dissolved into laughter until it hurt.

"See, still my boy," Esme laughed as she stood up. "You loved that as a child and it still doesn't fail. The only difference is I never got a mouthful of hair when you were six!"

"Love you, Mum," Edward said, sitting up on the edge of his bed and covering his lap with a pillow. He had forgotten all about only being clad in a pair of boxers and was now feeling self conscious.

"Love you too." She smiled, bending down to pick up a tray of food she had left on the floor. "I made your favourite. Nan's potato stew." Putting the tray on his lap, she gave Edward a reassuring smile and left, closing the door quietly behind her.

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad. Maybe it really was time to move forward.

As he spooned the comfort food into his mouth, Edward's mind drifted to the events of the day. Thoughts of Bella rode ram-shod right into the forefront , almost putting him off his dinner - almost. Nothing could spoil his Nan's stew. Still, how could she have such an effect on him after only a few hours? Never before had he wanted to cause so much physical bodily harm with a biology textbook. Now there was a thought that put him in a better mood instantly. He polished off his stew and fell into a carb-overload induced coma calculating how much damage, with the correct trajectory, wind velocity, and drag, a three pound textbook versus human skull could cause.

* * *

"Edward!" a voice barrelled through his subconscious nearly causing him to fall off his mattress. Rolling over, Edward hugged the pillow around his ears in an effort to protect and drown the offensive trill out. "Edward, you have a visitor."

As much as he wanted to, he couldn't ignore that bit of news.

Stumbling out of bed, he stomped across his room, pulled on an old t-shirt and pair of track bottoms. Who the hell would be calling for him? Not only was it some ungodly hour of the night, but he didn't know anyone who would want to call for him. No-one knew where they lived as he hadn't divulged that information.

Nearly to the top of the stairs, Edward glimpsed a patch of curly blonde hair at the bottom. There was only one person he knew with hair like that. Jasper.

"Hey Edward," Jasper greeted as Edward made a slightly unsteady journey down the stairs, his head feeling thick with un-shed sleepiness. "Sorry dude, didn't think you'd be in bed yet," he checked his watch and scrunched his forehead, "it's only seven o'clock."

"Oh, erm, no. I was just watching TV. What do you want?" he asked, running his hand through his hair trying to untangle it slightly.

"I thought I'd take you on a tour to show you what the fine town of Forks has to offer," he said, with a mischievous look on his face.

"Yeah, okay. Give me a minute," Edward replied, trudging back upstairs to throw on some Forks touring, or terrorizing depending on the true meaning of Jasper's look, clothes - jeans and a dark hoodie.

Upon arriving back downstairs, Edward could see that Jasper hadn't moved an inch. He was still hovering in the hallway by the door. And he had no idea why that was; Esme was usually very welcoming. As Edward neared him he glanced around and found the answer. Carlisle was sitting in the kitchen giving him his typical appraising stare, and Jasper reeked of a weed factory. It would come as no surprise to Edward if found out Jasper slept under a hydroponic lamp. Fiddling with his nails and avoiding all eye contact with Carlisle, Edward had to get Jasper out of the house before the paranoia set in.

"Dude, what does that say?" he asked, pointing to the phrase Esme had painted on the wall above the door.

_Céad mille fáilte_

"What?" Edward asked, trying to lace his boots as quickly as possible.

"That," he said, jabbing his finger to emphasise his point.

"Kad meel-a fall-sha," Edward answered whilst directing him to the open door.

"I'm going out," he shouted towards his father, not bothering to ask for permission. As if he could stop them anyway.

Just as the door was closing behind the pair, Esme appeared with an arm full of laundry. "Don't be too late, it's a school night remember."

"I won't," Edward replied as the door clicked shut and he pushed Jasper down the steps and away from the house.

"What the hell does 'guacamole-fill-shat' mean?" Jasper asked, looking perplexed while rummaging through his pockets – presumably for his keys.

"It's Irish and roughly means 'a hundred thousand welcomes'."

"Ah, so your Mom's a wee bit o' the Irish?" he asked in a Lucky the leprechaun accent as they piled into his beat-up black truck. Kicking aside a mountain of burger wrappers and God knows what else on the floor of the car, Edward settled down and prayed he wouldn't contract anything deadly.

"Yeah."

"Cool, can you teach me some of that shit?" Jasper asked as the engine roared to life and he floored it down the road into the darkness.

"Yeah, 'course I can," Edward replied, fastening his seat belt and holding onto the door for fear of being mangled and/or possibly killed.

"Wicked, none of the pansy crap though. Teach me the good stuff."

"No problem. Where are we going?" Edward asked as the truck careened along the deserted and pitch black road.

"To Bella's," Jasper said, grinning through the darkness, smacking his lips with an obvious case of cotton mouth.

Bella's. Just great. If he thought this day couldn't get any worse Edward was about to be proved wrong in a spectacularly catastrophic way. Trying to hide his displeasure, he nodded singularly and stared out into the yawning gloom.

"Dude, it'll be cool, don't worry," Jasper said, trying to reassure him. "She's a tough nut to crack, but underneath she's as ferocious as a new-born kitten. She'll spit and hiss at you but is harmless. I de-clawed her years ago."

_What's with Jedi mind tricks?_ "Whatever,_ Obi Wan_, I'll believe that when I see it."

* * *

**A HUGE thanks to my beta GasawayAlley. Without her help I fear this chapter would have never been finished! **

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	6. Chapter 6

"Shh, keep it down," Jasper whispered too loudly while the pair sludged through the undergrowth in the garden of Bella's hostile neighbour, Mr Frost, otherwise known appropriately as 'Frosty'.

Apparently being _high _also meant the volume in your ears was turned down.

"I'm trying, ah, Jesus, mother fu…" Edward hissed back as his hair got caught on yet more thorny branches. This was far from what he would ever consider 'fun' - being torn to shreds by evil brambles, to only then end up in the lair of the most anti-social beast to ever reside on the continental USA.

Untangling his hair from the monstrous vegetation; and fearing he may have left a good chunk of it behind, Edward hurried to catch up with Jasper who had gained several feet on him. In the darkness he could just make out his silhouette and some of his ratty blonde hair as the moonlight caught it.

"Tell me again why the hell we have to trek through this horticulturist's nightmare instead of just walking down the road?" Edward asked. He came to a stop just behind Jasper, who was concentrating on the house in front of them, or more pointedly, the second-story window. His eyes swept from the portal of breaking-and-entering to the huge tree standing in the front garden.

"Horta-what? Who says that word? Speak English, man."

"I speak perfectly good English," Edward grumbled.

Ignoring him completely, Jasper hunched down and gave some sort of military hand signals far beyond any comprehension for Edward. Dashing across the front lawn of the house – presumably Bella's – he beckoned for Edward to follow. Taking heed, he followed closely behind but struggled to keep his lanky frame incognito. Edward, with the secret ninja stealth of a new-born giraffe, made his way towards the font wall of the building partially concealed by yet more shrubbery.

Pressing his body against the wall of the house, he spied a vehicle parked on the driveway. Not just any vehicle though – a cop car. Jasper stood next to the large tree with his eyes trained on the half-closed window above him. Edward threw a stone at Jasper's head to gain his attention once more.

"Oi! You can't be fucking serious? Breaking into a cop's house?" Edward hissed. He scanned the surrounding area for any witnesses who could possibly identify him in a line-up. If anyone did see Edward, they'd describe him as an English Messiah for all the thorns and brambles haloing his crazy red hair.

"Jeez, Edward, you're such a worry-wart. It's just the Chief, and he'll be unconscious in front of the tube with a PBR by now. Sue will be up at the Rez making dream-catchers, quilts, feathery hats or whatever it is they do up there," Jasper replied as he reached up to grab the lowest branch. With his knees scraping against the trunk and feet swinging in the wind, Edward realised there was no way Jasper would make it on his own and the chances of being caught through the bumbling pothead were much higher.

Leaving the safety of the shrubs once he was sure the coast was clear, he made his way towards Jasper.

"Just give me a push up," Jasper instructed as his feet found purchase on the on tree trunk and his ass stuck out. Placing tentative hands on Jasper's hips, Edward gave a push to no effect; Jasper was no more use than a dead leaf hanging from the bows.

"You've got the upper body strength of a fucking foetus!" Edward groaned as he exerted more effort on Jasper's rear. Giving one final heave, Edward's hands slipped and he found his nose and mouth buried in fabric clad ass-cleavage, his forehead touching the bare skin of Jasper's lower back. His eyes stung and began to water from the bridge-crush his nose was taking.

"Gothammit, useth your fufthing armsth," He mumbled through the cloth of Jasper's jeans – material Edward doubted had seen the sight of the washing machine for some time. As Edward started to feel the effects of his depleting oxygen supply take his life, Jasper finally successfully hauled himself into the tree.

Jasper wiggled his bum a little and complained about Edward's breath being hot through the denim. "Gross, dude!"

"Well keep your nasty arse outta my face and we won't have a problem." Edward rationalized. "Don't you have a mum who washes your clothes?"

"Sorry dude," he complained with a squinch on his face and stretched his arm down to haul Edward up.

Making light work of scaling the tree, thanks to his monkey friend, Edward positioned himself carefully behind Jasper, his screwed up his eyes to see through the blackness of the room in front of them.

"Dude, unless you're getting ready to play frogger, back the hell off," Jasper hissed as Edward took a steady grip on the back of his shirt. Balancing precariously on the branch and struggling to maintain their balance, the pair studied the window ledge and tried to work out the best way to tackle the obstacle.

Suddenly, light came blaring through the glass, illuminating the two junior petty-crime committers. Fresh from her shower, Bella appeared in the room clad only in a towel wrapped around her body. Completely unaware of her audience, she pottered around the room and turned her stereo on. The light muffled sound of music filtered through the glass as Edward and Jasper clung together outside.

Raising his hand to knock on the window and gain access to the house, Jasper was stopped by Edward. "Just wait a minute," he said glancing between his tree-friend and the fiend.

Wiggling her hips in time with the music, Bella released the towel around her chest and let it fall to the floor; completely exposed. Edward was dumbstruck and couldn't tear his eyes away from Bella's milky skin barely concealing the delicate veins underneath and her glossy hair dripping a trail of water droplets towards her butt. As small beads pooled in the dimples on Bella's lower back, Edward's mouth went cottony and suddenly he wanted to drink the moisture right off her skin. Gone was the annoying wench from Biology. Now standing in front of him was an alluring creature with womanly curves displayed in all their pale glory normally hidden by her school uniform.

"Wow…" Jasper sighed as his forehead rested against the window and condensation formed around his hair.

"Damn," Edward echoed the sentiment as he inched forward slightly and closed the gap between himself and Jasper.

Raising his head at the sudden proximity of Edward, Jasper turned slightly to look down at where Edward's crotch was too close for comfort. "That had better be a twig poking me in the hip."

Without saying a word, but sporting a sheepish grin on his face, Edward backed away slightly and pivoted his hips in order to rearrange himself.

"Dude, wrong. So wrong," Jasper admonished as he returned his attention to the floor show in front of him. No matter how much he thought of Bella as his best friend - and for all intents and purposes a sister – there was no getting away from the fact she was turning into a beautiful woman.

With a quiet groan, Jasper bumped his head against the window gently. Not as gentle as he had hoped because it startled Bella, alerting her to his presence. Marching toward the window and unceremoniously lifting it open, she stood in all her nakedness, unabashedly - pissed off!

"What the hell are you doing, pervert?" she asked. "You should know better by know than to climb that tree. How many times do you have to fall out of it to learn your lesson?" Opening the old window with some effort, and an exaggerated sigh, Bella took a step back and stood up fully with her hands on her hips like 'Peter Pan'.

"Er, Bella, you want to cover up?" Jasper asked pointing to her exposed breasts, feeling extremely uncomfortable (and protective of Bella) knowing Edward was privy to the same image as himself.

"Not particularly, no. Why?" she responded, placing her hands on her hips again. Jasper couldn't help but notice the sudden appearance of goose-bump all over her chest. He kind of had the same thing going on all over his body right now.

"Well, it's just that it's cold and you're, erm, naked?" he ended on an upswing, his voice cracking an octave. Swallowing heavily and dragging his eyes the length of her body, Jasper couldn't look away.

"It's not like you haven't seen it all before," Bella responded, knowing full well the effect she was having on her best friend – the beads of sweat on his forehead and tenting jeans were all the clues she needed and she felt powerful.

"Yeah, but Edward hasn't…" Jasper said, nodding his head back to the shadowy figure behind him. Leaning forward, Edward bowed his head in an old fashioned gesture and winked at Bella.

"Evenin'," he greeted in a 'mockney' accent and tipped his imaginary hat.

"Oh my God! What the fuck are you doing here?" Bella snarled at the uninvited guest and now tried to conceal her inconsiderable modesty - much to the window lurkers dismay by covering her breasts with her arms.

"Bells, give us a hand will you?" Jasper smirked as he reached out a hand towards the fuming figure in the window.

"Ha ha. Very funny perv! Do you see a fucking welcome mat in front of my window? Besides, you're not coming in until you wipe that shit off your shoes," she replied, craning her neck to glare at the shadowy figure of Edward perched behind Jasper.

"Oh charming," Edward retorted, adding a tut to the end.

"Fuck off, pikey!" Bella scowled and backed up to pick up her towel feeling quite proud of her newly acquired lingo. An afternoon Googling _'ways to insult a Brit' _was well spent.

"Firstly, I'm no pikey. My mum's family yes, but me? Most certainly not." Edward manoeuvred carefully to the side, holding onto the window frame in order to see Bella more clearly. Misjudging his footing slightly, Edward's shoe slipped, almost causing a catastrophic fall. Catching himself just in time, he stood upright grasping the tree trunk and ran his free hand through his hair acting as though nothing had happened. "Secondly, if you're gonna try to use a new word, at least make sure you know the meaning of it first. Stupid bint."

"C'mon Bells…" Jasper pled to his friend before being interrupted by Edward poking his head around his shoulder once more.

"I can still see your mud-flaps." With a sly grin, Edward's eyes travelled south where the towel wasn't quite covering her.

"Get the hell away from my house!" Bella shouted, pulling the towel tighter around her hips and slamming the window down on the startled and unsuspecting fingers of Jasper.

A very un-manly screech let loose out of Jasper's lips, and he pushed off the ledge into the unsuspecting body of Edward before the rubber on the bottom of his sneakers lost their grip on the dewy bark.

Edward watched in horrified slow motion as Jasper flailed – resulting in a very painful mid-branch landing and the distinct possibility of a cracked nut. While Jasper felt his fertility being wiped out, gravity played its part once more by hurtling the pair out of the tree and onto the soggy ground. Like a pair of stunned possums lying flat on their backs, Edward stared silently up to the sky as Jasper tenderly cupped his crotch and forced a threatening tear back.

"I think I've broken my arse…" Edward moaned when he could catch his breath, running his hands down his body and cupping his hands between his rear and the wet grass.

"Ball…gone…" Jasper hissed, tightening his grip on his junk to check he was still in possession of his family jewels. "I swear it's stuck in my throat."

They both heard a door creak open and close, but were too worried about the current state of being in their southern areas to care. Suddenly, the monster came into view standing over them, squinting.

"Couple of pussies," Bella commented with her hands on her hips while she stooped over the crumpled bodies lying on the ground. Shaking her head, she stepped over them and started walking towards the clump of trees opposite her house.

Glancing back, she shouted "get a fucking move on unless you want Frosty calling the cops again!"

That comment got the boys moving. They were sure if Frosty didn't hear them fall out of Bella's tree, he heard her yell.

With a communal groan, Edward and Jasper gingerly rose to their feet, shaking off the grass and other bits of mud. With a gentle hold of their most painful parts they followed Bella like a couple of disjointed zombies, even making some grunting and growling sounds along the way.

Bella couldn't help but laugh at Jasper who looked like he was missing his horse. "What's up with you cowboy?" Bella asked, knowing full well the ordeal Jasper's tenderest area had endured.

"I think... one's... missing," he complained, feeling around in his jeans obviously scared stupid. As Bella shook her head and laughed, Jasper unzipped and walked towards her. "Can you check for me?"

"No way am I touching the little fella, I know where's it's been," she replied, shaking a finger at Jasper, quirking an eyebrow at his exposed lime green underwear.

Turning around and giving a hopeful glance, Jasper was met with a sharply retreating Edward. "No way am I groping another bloke's bollocks!"

"Aw, c'mon dude…" he pleaded to the two shadows in the trees as he waddled to catch up with his friends. "Bells, please, I think one's missing."

"You've only got one anyway, so if you feel something, it's still there," Bella replied nonchalantly, leaning against a tree and lighting a cigarette.

"Mate, you've only got one bollock?" Edward asked in surprise, turning to face Jasper.

Jasper stood stock-still with his eyes closed in concentration with one hand fumbling around in his jeans. Edward couldn't hold back the laughter. As much as he felt for Jasper, he couldn't help being uncontrollably ecstatic it wasn't his anatomy currently racing towards his lungs.

"Yeah, one twisted so they cut it off," Jasper replied with a shrug, earning a shudder from a nauseous Edward.

"Didn't your mom keep it in a jar?" Bella continued at the sight of Edward's obvious discomfort. "You're as green as Jasper's underwear."

"Enough," Edward ordered with his hand covering his mouth, his other protectively covering both balls. He didn't miss Bella's eyes roving to where his hand was safeguarding his goods.

"You should have seen the scar. It was impressive…" Bella started, pointing to her crotch. "It went from here, to here," she emphasised by running her finger along the seam of her jeans.

"Bells, you are one sick puppy!" Jasper laughed as he chased after a, presumably, vomiting Edward. "Dude, it's not that bad. They used glue instead of stitches…"

* * *

As Bella listened to Jasper's voice disappear into the dark forest, she stubbed her cigarette out on the nearest tree and slowly made her way to the small secluded lake. In the darkness the only light came from the partially obscured moon, causing the trees to have a spooky appearance and the rough dirt tracks all but disappear. It was lucky she knew the place well; it would be a prime location for some horror movie where an unlucky teen gets lost and is then tortured by an insane hillbilly lumberjack.

Taking a deep breath, Bella's senses were assaulted by the aroma of musty wet foliage. Her toes kicked up the strong scent with each step she made down the leafy, debris covered track. As a lone owl sang in the darkness, she continued forward and sat down on the old tree log next to the water's edge.

"Did Edward get back yet?" Jasper asked as he emerged from the tree line and unbuckled his belt and jeans.

"No. Let the fucker get lost. Maybe we'll be lucky and a grizzly'll eat him whole," Bella replied, as she threw an oval stone towards the water and watched it skim off the perfectly flat surface.

"Harsh," was Jasper's only response as he stripped down to his underwear and waded out into the blackened water until it met his knees. Squatting in the frigid water, he hissed, then moaned as the numbing qualities took hold.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bella asked. She shivered as she watched her friend dip his ass into the uninviting water.

"My scrote's on fire," he replied, splashing the water around his groin region trying to maintain his balance. "Anyway, you know there's no grizzlies around here."

"A girl can dream."

As if on cue, the pair were disturbed by a rustling amongst the trees. From the darkness, Bella could just about make out a mop of navy-red hair lit by the moonlight.

"Thanks for waiting. Do you know how fucking long it took me to find you two?" Edward said as he made his way out from the undergrowth.

"Obviously not long enough…" Bella muttered under her breath as she turned her head away from Edward.

"Whatever, bitch," he replied, flipping her off and concentrating on Jasper who was waist deep in the dark, biting water. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Just trying to chill off a bit," Jasper replied through chattering teeth.

"He's trying to get out of going to school by contracting a possible case of hypothermia," Bella answered for Jasper.

"You're a strange version of a human." Walking towards the log on which Bella currently resided, Edward cleared his throat and sat down on the end of it.

"This spot is taken," Bella said not turning to look at Edward. She was, in no uncertain terms, going to associate with the one person she regarded as the bane of her existence - he had even eclipsed Banner, and that was a long stretch.

"I don't see anyone's name on it," he replied picking at the rotten bark, throwing a handful of the remains into the water.

"It's written in a language fuckwits don't understand."

Flicking her hair over her shoulder and send a sly smirk Edward's way, Bella had a feeling she'd be on the winning side of this latest battle. Unfortunately, Edward seemed to be more than an adequate match for her wit.

"Then how come you know what it says?"

"Fuck you," she replied, standing and moving away from Edward before she caused him any permanent damage.

"What? No more insults?" Edward asked as he followed closely behind Bella. He was getting to her and there was no way he'd let such an opportunity pass. Every step Bella took, he was a couple behind - tit for tat.

As the pair moved to the far end of the lake and out of ear-shot, Jasper decided it was probably best not to be in the water alone - he had no idea what could be lurking in the murky depths, and he had no intention of finding out. Standing slowly, he couldn't stop the whole-body shivers wracking his body as the cold air whipped around his red and partially numb thighs and legs.

"Damn…" he muttered to himself as he tried to avoid the sharp stones on the lake floor and what he presumed to be wolf poop. Last time he'd stood in it barefoot, it'd taken hours to scrape it out from under his toenails and he didn't want to have to go through that ordeal again.

As Jasper dragged his jeans quickly up his raw legs and shoved his feet into his shoes (sans socks), Edward and Bella were a mere speck amongst the over-bearing trees. He could make out exaggerated arm movement and gestures, but the only sounds to be heard were his staggered breathing, the night birds somewhere high up in the canopy and a feint howl from a wolf in the far distance. The placid water still lapped gently as it echoed his earlier movement, and an eerie mist floated silently across the surface. He heard something in the underbrush rustle and all he knew was he wasn't going to be fodder for another _'Jason' _movie.

"Hey guys!" he called out slipping on the wet rocks and moss. Whether he was being ignored or just unheard he wasn't sure, so he quickened his pace in time with the frenetic movement of Edward and Bella. The situation was escalating, and he found himself genuinely concerned for the well-being of Edward. He knew the dire consequences of pissing Bella off too much, and the rookie currently arguing with her had no idea what he'd let himself in for.

"I hate you!" Bella screamed at Edward, flapping her hands wildly in the air, before childishly holding them down at her sides and scowling. Her body vibrated with anger as the muscles in her face ticked and her shoulders and hands clenched and twitched involuntarily.

Cocking his head to one side, he leaned closer to look into Bella's eyes. "You don't even know me," Edward bit with a malicious tone to his voice.

"I don't need to know you."

"You know what?" Edward yelled at the top of his voice to the rapidly disappearing figure of Bella, "it's a good job you're tiny and have tits, or you'd be sitting at the bottom of that lake by now!"

"Is that a threat, Crullen? Did you just threaten the police chief's daughter?" Bella's eyes narrowed. "Just keep the fuck away from me!" She screamed back as a branch swung behind her, concealing her from view.

"Not a problem!"

"Aww, c'mon guys. Can't we all just get along?" Jasper called after Bella in his best Rodney King impression.

Looking at a perplexed and slightly chicken-on-a-hot-plate footed Jasper, Edward jerked his head and thumb toward the tree line, clearly indicating for them to_ exit stage left_.

Without a word, Jasper, bowlegged and walking with a slight limp, obediently followed Edward and worried what it would all mean for his friendships with Bella and Edward.

* * *

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Thanks again to my awesome beta GasawayAlley. I truly believe she performs miracles at times.

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